Mackenzie Our Beautiful ^Angel^

Thursday, August 28, 2008

It was a year ago today at 3:30 that we went to the OB for my weekly check up and I brought my mom in hopes of hearing okay it is time to go to the hospital, well they did say that but for not as happy of reasoning. At 3:30 on August 28 I went for a check up and no progress of dilation and when my OB put the fetal monitor on Mackenzie we heard nothing. The look on my doctors face will be one that I will never forget. They rushed me over to ultrasound where we found no blood flow and no heartbeat. From there they sent me to the hospital where I was enduced and at 3:25p.m on August 29 Mackenzie Gale was born. She weighed 5lbs. 8.1 oz and was 19.5" long. My baby was so perfect. There was no cord accident, and because the blood flow had already stopped for over 24 hours they could not do a clot test, so the reason for her passing is still unknown. All I know is that I have lived my life for the past year without my daughter and that tomorrow at 3:25 p.m. would be her first birthday. Mackenzie we miss you more and more with every day that passes. I hope that you have a Happy First Birthday with all of your new friends and know we miss you so much.
Love you,
Your mommy
xoxoxo

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"Ask My Mom How She Is" (unknown) My Mom, she tells a lot of lies, She never did before But from now until she dies, She'll tell a whole lot more. Ask my Mom how she is And because she can't explain, She will tell a little lie because she can't describe the pain. Ask my Mom how she is, She'll say"I'm alright." If that's the truth, then tell me, why does she cry each night ? Ask my Mom how she is She seems to cope so well, She didn't have a choice you see, Nor the strength to yell. Ask my Mom how she is, "I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping." For God's sake Mom, just tell the truth, Just say your heart is broken She'll love me all her life I loved her all of mine. But if you ask her how she is, She'll lie and say she's fine. I am here in Heaven I cannot hug from here. If she lies to you don't listen Hug her and hold her near. On the day we meet again, We'll smile and I'll be bold. I'll say, "You're lucky to get in here, Mom, With all the lies you told!"

My dad is a survivor too which is no surprise to me. He's always been like a lighthouse that helps you cross a stormy sea. But, I walk with my dad each day to lift him when he's down. I wipe the tears he hides from others; He cries when no one's around. I watch him sit up late at night with my picture in his hand. He cries as he tries to grieve alone, and wishes he could understand. My dad is like a tower of strength. He's the greatest of them all! But, there are times when he needs to cry... Please be there when he falls. Hold his hand or pat his shoulder... And tell him it's okay. Be his strength when he's sad, Help him mourn in his own way. Now, as I watch over my precious dad from the Heavens up above... I'm so proud that he's a survivor... And, I can still feel his love.